Coping with Fear and Grief in Uncertain Times

As the coronavirus continues to spread and have greater impact on every area of our life. The fear and anxiety of the virus may begin to turn to heighten uncertainty as to the future of our life as we’ve known it to be. For there are currently many unknowns with this virus. Medical and science expects speculate how long it may last, financial expects speculate the affects on both national and global economies, mental health experts advise on the mental and emotional affects the current and future changes can have on a person’s psyche and behavior.

Many of us struggle with change, especially a change we didn’t see coming, ask for or want. Instead of change, we resist, deny or avoid, or even blame others for the change. Change inherently creates uncertainty, a sense of loss of control, thus fear, anxiety anger, and in time depression.

We all are experiencing this unprecedented change and uncertainty. Our way of life has now changed, our sense of “normal” has changed. We are embarking now on unchartered territory, which often leads to a “new normal.” We are in the space between what has been and what will be. This is the space and place of fear, uncertainty, chaos and anxiety, perhaps even panic, leading to despair. Change equals stress, which often creates uncertainty. This all takes the mind places that often put us more in a state of helplessness & hopelessness.

Many of us now are experiencing change, grief and loss, and the stages that come with it.

Denial: Perhaps you have noticed in yourself or others, during these past several weeks: Being in this first stage or state of grief. The stage of denial: Hearing others say or you yourself, saying: “It’s not happening to me.”  “This will blow over and will be fine when I wake up tomorrow.” So, I just go about my normal daily routine.

Anger: As life around me doesn’t seem so normal anymore and I realize within me, something has changed, but I don’t like it or want it. The next stage or state is to be angry. This is not fair or right, so I get defensive and reactive, for protection and survival. I resist the change and my fear and insecurities begin to show in the form of anger and/or defiance. I don’t want my life to change, but it has, and its your fault and you need to fix this and put things back to the way it was before, for my comfort is now uprooted, my safety and livelihood is threatened… I want My normal back and I want it back now, damn it!

Bargaining: As the days pass into weeks, we begin to realize our normal is now gone. I now turn to the part of me that begins to use the strategy of bargaining; for comfort, safety and sense of normal to return. If I do this, will you please do that. I’ll be good, I’ll change my ways, in this can you please let me go back to work or go on that vacation now, that I had to cancel. We begin to play let’s make a deal, with ourselves, with others and especially, with God, Creator, whatever name you give to that power greater than ourselves. We may even start to bargain with our dog or the walls in our room. Somebody, anybody to get us out of this difficult, disruptive or painful situation.

Depression: As I put all this energy and effort into getting my normal back, by the above three ego strategies and it doesn’t come to be. I begin to feel a sense of defeat and thus depression creeps in. I lose my sense of motivation, the voice and beliefs of our inner critic within us begins to give us messages of what a failure we are, how we deserve to be punished. We hear that loud obnoxious inner voice say things like: “See, I told you we don’t deserve happiness or good things.” “God and/or the world doesn’t love or care about us.” Our motivation and willingness to carry on begins to get depleted, we begin to give in and give up. We eat more or eat less, we just want to sleep it all away or we get very little sleep, because our mind is racing so much with worry and doom and gloom thoughts (what I call “stinking thinking”) that our energy and motivation level is defeated and drained.

Acceptance: Acceptance, like forgiveness, is one of the most difficult traits for us humans to come too. However, like forgiveness, it’s also one of the most powerful and liberating things we can do for ourselves. The first four stages of grief are more dis-empowering for us, because we are forcing life to be our way, rather than what it currently is. Resistance is based on ego, its fear and need for control. Our true power is not gained by force. True and authentic power and serenity, is gained through spiritual surrender, letting go and yielding to the power and wisdom greater than ourselves. What we Accept, and embrace-we Conquer and move forward from. What we resist will Persist.  Acceptance is a sign of spiritual maturity. A sign of inner strength and knowing, trust–true faith, that the universe has our back.

Acceptance doesn’t mean we like or agree with what’s happened, it just means we choose to not let the situation define us or control our lives any more than need be. We choose to let go of “what was” so we can move on in life with “what is.” Expectations, needing things a certain (my) way, will create a disappointed mind and closed heart. Acceptance creates a free mind and open heart.

Acceptance transcends fear and denial, creating emotional and mental calm and inner peace. In addition, it widens one’s perception to see higher more constructive possibilities. Which helps us make healthier, more loving choices. Acceptance begins to transform fear, uncertainty and limits – to love, possibilities and freedom. With acceptance comes tolerance, resilience and confidence, to weather life’s difficulties and uncertainties.

There is an additional stage of grief that has been added to this common grief model.

Meaning: As we experience life in all its joyful and painful forms. We are forming beliefs and ultimately meanings to these experiences. These beliefs and the eventual meaning we put to life, is simply coming from the perspective and feeling of fear, thus pain or love, thus freedom.

It’s been said: Life is not meant to be easy; it’s meant to be meaningful. Acceptance leads us to the higher more loving and compassionate belief and meaning both toward ourselves, others and the experience. As we re-frame the meanings of our unfair or difficult experiences. Moving from the victim or fighter meaning of: “Why me”, “poor me”, “I hate myself” or “how could you do this to me, I hate you.”  To the more loving and empowering meaning and mindset of “Why not me”, “what is this experience teaching me and asking me to do?” This re-framing and new meaning begin to help me see the experience from the higher-wiser, more loving perspective. I begin to realize and see that life experiences from my soul/higher view, are happening for me and through me, nothing really happens to me. Thus, I begin to move through the experience with more love, grace and ease. I see the lesson; the experience was offered to allow me to embrace traits and behaviors based on love. To make a more accepting, compassionate and forgiving choice for myself and/or others.

Our current experience with the coronavirus, is offering all of us, each in our own way, based on our individual and collective soul agreements, the opportunity to move through these stages of grief, with the intent of coming to a place of Acceptance and the higher-wiser, more loving meaning of our selves and how we live on earth. Be gentle with yourself and each other as you/we move through this time of uncertainty, yet tremendous opportunity to transform ourselves to be more loving, accepting and compassionate beings that walk upon the earth in harmony and grace with all that is.

I close with two more of my quotes. The level of uncertainty you can tolerate, will determine the quality of your life. Life like love, is just a word, until you give it a meaning. Be aware of the meaning you are putting to this current life altering experience. A new normal creates a shift individually and/or collectively, i.e. the whole of a society or in this current case a global shift, a shift in behaviors and lifestyle habits and a shift in economics.

Ask yourself, is the meaning and my behaviors (actions/reactions) I put to these current changes, coming from Love or Fear? Acceptance or Resistance? The choice is yours, for this is the planet of free will. One choice will help you move through this time of great change with grace, resilience and growth, the other choice will cause you more struggle and inner pain. We all are making the choice; such is the dynamic of change and human evolution of struggle and progress.

Here’s a Sufi quote which seems to fit for our current times. I’m adding a word to it. “When the heart (ego) weeps for what it has lost, the spirit rejoices for what it has found.” From chaos comes order, this is the nature of life.  Breathe, stay present, connected and be well, David

Living From Love or Fear

There are two main human emotions, love and fear. All other emotions we experienced come from the root of either fear or love.

The Creation of Fear

The emotion of fear is a learned emotion of the ego-mind, designed for protection and survival. Fear is created through the mind-body to protect the body from a perceived physical and/or emotional threat or danger. Our fears are mostly based on our experienced past and perceived future events.

From the divine and our higher self’s perspectives, fear is an illusion that our human self makes very real. So real it often stops us in our tracks, hindering, if not paralyzing our physical and mental ability to move forward through life situations. Fear distorts and erodes our trust and faith, causing us to create limiting beliefs, that hold us back – limits our potential.

A common acronym for fear is:
False
Evidence
Appearing
Real

Fear keeps us stuck in what we don’t want, reinforcing our sense of separation and unworthiness. So, we end up feeling, believing and behaving as if we are trapped in problems. Consumed by fear, puts us in victim thinking and energy with the solution to the problem being, to stay focused on the problem.

Coming From Love

Love on the other hand, is of the spirit and our essence. Love embraces life struggles and challenges from a higher-wiser perspective, which offers wisdom for higher learning and growth. Love is not based on a threat, so there is no need for protection. So, we thrive with the emotion and energy of love.

When we bring love to a perceived fearful situation, we turn the fear into a motivator to move us in a positive and productive direction. The key is for us to question and challenge the perception, thoughts and belief that is generating the fearful emotion. Searching for the clues that are creating the fear and asking: What is this fear based upon? Fear is often based on a past experience, that I’m bringing into my present. Or fear can arise when we perceive, thus project and believe an unpleasant outcome will result with a future event.

Recognizing and understanding what our fear is based on and why; is critical toward overcoming its paralyzing objective.

Another acronym and way to look at fear:
Feeling
Excited
And
Ready

Based the two acronyms I offered you on fear, the first one will, limit and drain us, because we are living in the false self and the illusion. This second acronym will offer possibilities and opportunities and will sustain us, because it comes from the higher perspective and brings love to the fear.

Recognizing, understanding and challenging the bases of the fear is an act of love and offers an opportunity to than reconcile, re-frame and transform the fear to love in the present.

In Closing

My quote, echo’s the importance and healthiness of challenging our fear with love and acceptance. For what we accept and embrace we conquer and move forward from.


Are you overwhelmed with fear or worry?  Help is just a phone call or email away. Please contact David Schroeder if you would like assistance with your fears. David offers life transition and spiritual growth counseling and coaching in-person, by phone or Skype. Visit his website at 
transitionpathways.com. Asking for help is not a sign of weakness. It’s a sign of strength, a healthy and assertive way to help yourself and move through life transitions.

David Schroeder, LMSW, CPC from Grand Rapids, MI., is a licensed and spiritual social worker, certified life transition coach, and author of Just Be Love: Messages on the Spiritual and Human Journey. His practice, Transition Pathways helps people find healthy pathways to love, greater awareness and higher potential. David’s book, Just Be Love: Messages on the Spiritual and Human Journey is available for purchase through the publisher: Global Summit House email: infoglobalsummithouse.com and Amazon.com. If you would like an autograph copy of his book, contact David by email: humor311@sbcglobal.net

12 Benefits of the Power of Acceptance

In uncertain times, we struggle with trusting the process of life. We are fearful, so we want control, we want to know the outcome, yet we tend to predict a negative outcome ahead of time, while bypassing the process of “what is.” All this feeds our fear, the sense of powerlessness and loneliness, which fuels depression and anxiety.

Could it be in these uncertain times, that our individual and collective shadow aspects are being exposed more than ever? Could it be the contrast of light as love and dark as fear, is coming more to the forefront; to be recognized and reconciled within us individually and collectively? Sure seems like it to me, how about you?

Transformation and growth always comes from the uncertainty and the struggle. Creation and renewal comes from darkness.

Uncertainty, is a lesson and opportunity to practice Acceptance. So in uncertain times, we are called to the act of acceptance. Acceptance doesn’t mean you like or agree with “what is.” Acceptance, is to just be present to it. To be in the thoughts and behaviors of love and compassion with what is, rather than fear, resistance and resentment.

When we resist, deny, avoid or blame, we delay the opportunity for our happiness and growth. 

If we are unhappy and unfulfilled: we haven’t asked and more importantly answered an important question: What’s happened in my life that I’m not accepting?

Acceptance is to ride the wave of uncertainty, without losing yourself in the unknown of what is. Acceptance is shedding our will and way, and aligning with the divine power and will. With the knowing, we will gain more than lose, as we trust and allow in the power greater than ourselves. 

Acceptance is getting to know and understand our neighbor, from their perspective, not just our own. To respond, rather than react to differences and conflict.

The following are 12 Benefits, of why Acceptance is Powerful and of Value:

1. Acceptance is a sign of spiritual maturity.

2. Acceptance is being present and mindful to an experience without being defined by the experience.

3. Willingness and understanding lead the way to acceptance. Acceptance is wisdom in action.

4. It embraces the acts of spiritual surrender and willingness of “what is” creating realistic neutrally and non-attachment to experiences.

5. Acceptance, as spiritual surrender; magnifies our connection to the divine, and to love. Which restores hope, and allows for a higher meaning to life experiences.

6. Acceptance is an act of love and courage. Accept the things I cannot change, and the courage to change what I can. Furthermore, it moves you from powerless to  Empowerment.

7. Acceptance transcends denial, creates emotional calm and inner peace. In addition, it widens one’s perception.

8. What we Accept – we Conquer. What we resist – will Persist.

9. Acceptance is a forward moving energy. It allow us the opportunity to rise above our struggles.

10. The willingness to accept another’s and our own imperfections, is to discover the perfection. Perfection in divine terms means: To have Compassion for. The divine has compassion for all that is.

11. Acceptance leads to Compassion, which allows for Forgiveness or Reconciliation.

12. Acceptance begins to transform fear, sorrow and bondage to love, joy and freedom.

With acceptance, comes tolerance, resilience and confidence to weather life’s uncertainties and difficulties. I close with my quote, which seems to fit during times of uncertainty. Realize, the choice is always ours, as to who and how we want to be in times of uncertainty. I choose Understanding, Acceptance, Compassion and Forgiveness, for they equal the power of Love!

Are you struggling with accepting some life experiences? Are you anxious and/or overwhelmed by change or uncertainty? Help is just a phone call or email away. Please contact David Schroeder if you would like assistance with your acceptance and change issues; and how to work through them. David offers life transition and spiritual growth counseling and coaching session’s in-person, by phone or Skype. Visit his website at transitionpathways.com.  Asking for help is not a sign of weakness. It’s a sign of strength, a healthy and assertive way to help yourself and move through life transitions.

David Schroeder, LMSW, CPC from Grand Rapids, MI., is a licensed and spiritual social worker, certified life transition coach, and author of Just Be Love: Messages on the Spiritual and Human Journey. His practice, Transition Pathways helps people find healthy pathways to love, greater awareness and higher potential. David’s book, Just Be Love is available for purchase through the publisher: Global Summit House email: infoglobalsummithouse.com and Amazon.com. If you would like an autograph copy of his book, contact David by email: humor311@sbcglobal.net